Understanding Incel Culture and the Hidden Meaning Behind Emojis

The powerful new Netflix drama Adolescence has sparked necessary conversations about hidden online influences.

While fictional, the show’s storyline, centred on a 13-year-old boy arrested for the murder of a female classmate, shines a light on very real and troubling online subcultures. At the heart of it is a growing concern about the impact of toxic masculinity and online misogyny. 

For foster and kinship carers, Adolescence raises difficult but important questions about what young people are exposed to online and how hidden influences like “incel” culture may be shaping their attitudes, language and self-esteem. 

In this blog, we’ll explore what incel ideology is, how it manifests online (including through seemingly harmless emojis), how you can spot the signs and start safe, supportive conversations with the young people in your care.

What does the term “Incel” mean?

“Incel” is short for involuntary celibate. It refers to someone, often a young man, who struggles to form romantic or sexual relationships despite wanting them. But in online spaces, the term has evolved into something much darker.

Incel communities often promote misogynistic and hateful ideas, blaming women (and sometimes other men) for their personal unhappiness. These spaces can foster feelings of entitlement, bitterness and even rage, encouraging harmful views that paint women as manipulative and men as victims of an unfair system.

The key terminology of incel ideology

Understanding the language used in incel and related online communities can help you spot early warning signs. Here are a few commonly used terms:

• Red pill: Content that claims to expose “hidden truths” about gender roles and society, often with an anti-feminist perspective.
• Black pill: A nihilistic belief that one’s looks and status predetermine success in love and life and that nothing can change this.
• Looksmaxxing: Going to extreme lengths to improve physical appearance to become more “desirable.”
• Femoid/foid: A dehumanising slang term for women, implying that they are inferior. 
• 80/20 rule: The belief that 80% of women are only attracted to 20% of men, fuelling resentment and feelings of rejection.
• Alpha/Beta males: A hierarchy used to label men based on dominance and desirability.

Other red-flag terms might include: modern women, high-value man, female nature, cancel culture, woke, feminist agenda.

The hidden meaning behind emojis

One of the most chilling takeaways from Adolescence is how emojis can be used to communicate covertly within these toxic spaces. What might look like a harmless face or symbol can carry coded, sinister meanings.

In the show, the young boy leaves “aggressive innuendos” – deeply inappropriate comments and emojis under images of women. Emojis can be used to:

• Label others in a derogatory or sexualised way
• Signal group membership in toxic online communities
• Bully or shame others covertly

This kind of cyberbullying is often invisible to adults, as the language and imagery can seem harmless unless you know what to look for.

The Periodic Table of Sinister Emojis, designed by For Working Parents. It’s a fantastic resource for foster and kinship carers to have on hand if you’re concerned about what you’re seeing online.

What should foster and kinship carers be looking out for?

Perhaps the most alarming aspect of incel culture is the difficulty in knowing how deeply it may have influenced a young person, given the hidden and often inaccessible nature of their social media activity.

Young people involved with or influenced by incel communities may not always show obvious signs. Here are some behaviours and shifts to be aware of:

• Low self-esteem or fixation on looks and desirability
• Use of incel-related slang or repeating ideas from toxic forums
• Hostility or resentment towards women or girls
• Increased frustration or anger, particularly about relationships or gender roles
• Secrecy and isolation, including time spent on niche or anonymous online communities like Reddit or Discord

How to start a conversation about incel culture

We understand how difficult it can be to address these sensitive topics, especially when it feels like a young person is pulling away or becoming influenced by worrying ideas.

It’s completely natural to feel alarmed, but it’s important to remember that how we respond can make all the difference in whether a young person chooses to open up or shut down.

The key is to lead with curiosity, not confrontation. Teenagers, in particular, may become defensive or withdrawn if they feel judged or blamed. Instead, try to create a safe, non-judgmental space for them to explore their thoughts, however difficult they may be to talk about.

Rather than trying to “correct” or challenge directly, ask open-ended questions that encourage reflection. These gentle prompts can help them think more deeply about the problematic content and beliefs they’re seeing online:

• What do you think makes a healthy relationship?
• Do you ever feel pressure to be a certain kind of man/woman online?
• Why do you think some men feel angry towards women?
• Do you think it’s fair to blame one group for your own struggles?
• How do you decide whether something you read online is trustworthy?
• If someone is always angry online, do you think they’re really happy?
• What would you say to a friend who said something like “all women are…”?

These kinds of questions help a young person feel heard while gently encouraging them to think critically and empathetically.

Gently challenging harmful beliefs

If a young person does express worrying views or use harmful language, it’s okay to express concern but avoid shaming or shutting them down. Instead, you might say:

• “That’s an interesting point. May I ask where you heard that?”
• “How do you think that kind of thinking might affect how someone sees other people?”
• “Have you ever heard a different perspective on that?”
• “Do you think that belief helps people feel better about themselves or worse?”

This approach allows space for conversation without reinforcing the “us vs them” mindset that these online communities often thrive on.

Tips for staying aware and supportive