BACK TO BLOGShahana was a guest speaker at our Live event during our Foster Care Fortnight campaign back in May. Her slot sold out and she discussed childhood trauma, stress and adversity and the impact it has on a child’s developing brain, receiving great feedback.
We are currently working with her on some joint projects that we will be sharing in the next few months. She shares where her desire to help children comes from and what drives her to continue.
How and why did you become a specialist in trauma?
“I grew up in a wonderful family with my Mum, Dad, and brother. The first 5 years were like a dream, we were so loved, and we didn’t want for anything. My dad was the head teacher at our primary school and my mum was a child minder and so was always at home. We were surrounded by other children and were happy.
When I was about eight, I began to realise that our perfect family was not so perfect anymore. My dad was an alcoholic and he also suffered with depression. He had to leave work and would often spend full days in bed. He would drink throughout the day and night and we never knew what mood he would be in from day to day. Some days he was our amazing, charismatic wonderful dad who played the guitar and the drums, who made us laugh and adored us! Other days he was quiet, irritable and unkind. We lived for the good days, and we never talked about the bad ones. Everything that happened to us was behind closed doors- nobody ever knew.
Over the years, my mum became consumed with my dad’s ‘illness’ as she called it and stopped meeting our emotional needs. We began to experience insecure attachment from both parents and became more and more isolated. Most days as a teenager, I would stay in my room with the door locked, whilst my brother was in his, my mum was in hers and my dad dominated the downstairs, drinking and smoking. Throughout all of this we experienced a lot of emotional abuse, the kind of abuse people don’t see, and you don’t realise is happening.
As an adult now, I can see how much my dad was struggling to process his own childhood trauma and how poor his coping strategies were. He wasn’t able to take care of his own emotional and mental health and it devoured him. It impacted every aspect of his life and although I know that deep down he adored us, it sabotaged his ability to parent and left us suffering from childhood trauma.
From a young age, I always wanted to work with children, even as a little girl I knew I wanted to be around them in any capacity I could. I thought (and still do think) that children are magical things, and their potential to be anyone has always inspired me to want to help them become the best version of themselves they can be. As soon as I could, I began volunteering in the local nursery and at the after-school club, I then became a summer nanny and later a Teaching Assistant working in a 78 place nursery. I thrived with children however, in all my roles I was very aware of a significant problem in the sector. So many children were being labelled as “naughty” or “bad” and yet, I was always drawn to these children. Children who nobody hugged because they smelt of wee, children who didn’t have any friends because they were “a bully”, children, who I recognised, were struggling emotionally. I knew I wanted to dedicate my life to these children, to help them realise that there was nothing “wrong” with them, as society was suggesting and to help them see the potential in themselves.
Over the last 9 years I have specialised in childhood trauma, pioneered approaches and changed mindsets. My mission is to help children realise they are not their trauma and that it doesn’t have to define them. My own trauma has always been there in my own life, behind every decision, thought, relationship and belief. I found a way to harness my experiences for the better, to do good. I was blessed to have a predisposition for positive mindset, self-belief and empathy, but that doesn’t mean my trauma hasn’t impacted me over the years.
I want children to know that they are not their trauma, that they CAN do anything, they can be anyone they want to be and they can flourish in this world, despite their circumstances. They are lovable and they are worthy. Children have the power to change the world. The people they believe they can be, will become the people of the future. That is why I became a childhood trauma specialist.”
What advice would you give to your younger self now if you could?
“This question gets me quite emotional. You are perfect as you are! You don’t have to be the perfect version of yourself all the time. You are still lovable if you are struggling, you are still worthy if you are feeling sad. You don’t have to be the perfect version of you to be accepted and loved. I would also say, it is okay to let others take care of you sometimes and to not have complete control.”
What one word describes you today and why?
“Determined – I am determined to leave a mark in this world and create some real, meaningful change in both the education industry and the care industry when it comes to children’s mental health. I know what I want to achieve in my lifetime, I truly believe that I am following the path I am supposed to be on and that I was born to do the work I do. I have dedicated my career and my life to children’s mental health, and I live and breathe it. My courses and projects are paving the way for higher standards at the same time as inspiring people who come across them. I want everyone to feel confident, inspired and empowered to support one another’s mental health through simple things like how they communicate and respond to each other. I believe we all have unique gifts we can offer the world and this is one of mine.”
What message would you like to give to children currently in Foster Care today?
“You are amazing, lovable, worthy, and valuable and there is so much about you that makes you special. Despite what you have been through, despite what people might have said or made you believe. You have the power to have the life of your dreams, and anything is possible for you but you have to believe it. Although it is hard to break free of the noise of those around you, on social media and even the noise in your head, you have great power inside you. Every thought you think is in your own control, every belief you have can be altered to fit a version of you that feels most aligned with who you are. You get to choose.
Tune in to your feelings, find out what makes you happy and where you feel most comfortable. Spend time with people who make you feel good and who you can be your complete self with. Don’t shrink or change for anyone. If you are not surrounded by light, happiness and good- don’t be afraid to move on until you find it. You deserve the very best life can offer, but work starts within you.”
Becoming a Foster Carer is not for everyone – what qualities do you think a person need to become a Foster Carer?
“Empathy and a deep understanding of what trauma can do to a child’s sense of self, their beliefs and their relationships. Someone who can see beyond the behaviour and can see a child or young person who needs support, instead of a
child who is being naughty or choosing to misbehave. Someone who is able to self-reflect and analyse their own responses and reactions and who strives to be self-aware. Someone who is committed to self-development and is always trying to be a better version of themselves. Someone who is empathetic and wants to help children, who knows that they can truly make a difference to a child’s life- on a real practical day to day level.”
Shahana has a range of courses available that focus on Attachment and Childhood Trauma. The courses close the gap between theory and practice and helps to ensure you can apply what you have learnt to your own work and your own experiences straight away. The focus of the course is on understanding children who have been through trauma, knowing their why and what is going on for them internally. With particular attention paid to behaviour and what you can do to make a difference in your day-to-day responses and reactions. Her aim is to up-skill everyone to feel empowered to make a real difference to the lives of the children in their care.
We’re currently working closely with her to update and enhance our current training courses on these subjects so keep an look out for further updates from us.
